There is a powerful parable in the Bible in Luke chapter 15. Many of us know it as the Prodigal Son. Throughout the many times I’ve heard the Bible passages, or heard a sermon on the topic, I never realized this parable would have deep and convicting meaning in my own life. Since I started this blog just over a month ago, I’ve let whatever is on my heart be what I write about that day. Well, today, there is something very personal on my heart I’d like to share.
As I sit here in my home office, writing this to you, I do not know where my son Justin is. I mentioned in him my previous blog. I believe he is still in Phoenix, but I do not know where he lives, who is he with, if he is well or sick or what he does each and every day. The last time I saw him he was in an extended care facility (after yet another hospital stay) being treated for a serious infection. As he had done in the past, he left the facility long before he should have been medically discharged. This is the description of a man, not a boy. He’s 35 years old, yet, I think about him and react to things concerning him as if he was a teenager.
Throughout his life, many people have told me that he is so much like me in many ways. He looks like me. He is a gifted musician. He is a natural charmer and can come back with the most pertinent one liner you’ve ever heard. At his core, he has a deep connection with people that can often be selfless, however, a nearly 20 year addiction to various substances has taken most of that away. To try and share how deep my sorrow is or how raging my disappointment can be on any given day is impossible to accurately describe.
There are a thousand questions I have in my quest to answer “why” this happened. One thing I do know for certain is that everybody this situation has affected needs to deal with it in their own way. We’ve learned intimately and repeatedly that one day we can find peace and the next day can feel real pain, once again. However, I will say that I have found the most comfort in putting the entire Justin situation in my “God Box”. It is a place where when I know without a doubt there is no more I can do, not a single word I can say that will change this for me, I write it down and put it there. What I’ve also learned is I cannot, C-A-N-N-O-T take it back out either (which I’ve done on numerous occasions). I take it out by trying just one more time to… (the possibilities have been endless).
There are two very powerful messages in this parable for me. The first is that the son’s father watched and waited. I’ve been doing that for 20 years. As the father was, our family is, dealing with a human being with a will of his own. Should Justin ever “come home”, I believe we would be (more than) ready to welcome him home. The second is that God’s love is constant, patient and welcoming. He will search for us and give us opportunities to respond, but He will not force us to come to Him. It’s been said that God’s love is so unparalleled that it reaches out and finds sinners no matter why or how they got lost.
There are likely many who would say that they couldn’t forgive the years of pain this situation has caused. Believe me, the aching and wondering has been so consuming at times I understand how anyone might feel that way. However, it’s been said that the only time “God ran” is when his child came home to Him. How can I be any different? We are called to accept repentant sinners wholeheartedly and give them the support and encouragement they need to grow in Christ. Just as God has done for each and everyone of us.
For today, Justin’s situation is in the God Box, and it’s locked there. Please don’t misunderstand though… I have memorized the prayer, “God forgive me for picking back up what I’ve laid at your feet“. But knowing that God’s got this situation (as well as all the others) allows me to focus on rejoicing right along with the angels every time a sinner or unbeliever repents and turns to God. My sincere and heartfelt prayer is that whatever your story is, that you can get closer to that same sense of peace and assurance. If you are not there, please know that you are loved and not alone. Corrie Ten Boom said “Don’t ever be afraid to trust your unknown future to a known God“. Amen and AMEN!
If you have a God Box, I’d love to know how you’ve used it and even what it looks like! Please share— If you don’t have one, I encourage you to make one. The process of making the box will bring you joy in itself and I can’t wait to hear what you’ve put there and how it’s help you to Let Go and Let God!
Yet another one of my favorite songs is “When God Ran” by Phillips, Craig and Dean. I found this video that depicts the parable and the song in modern times. I hope you will take time to view it. Before you do – get the Kleenex – it will both challenge and inspire you I’m sure.
This is a video of the story of The Prodigal Son, Filmed by Alex Meinert
Visiting their brother in the care facility, March 2017
I have a God Box- because you made one for me one year, when I was going through a court trial with a gal who stole $15,000 from our school and she was going to jail for it. It kept me up at night, so you made my the God Box. I still use it to this day. I have lots of prayers in there.
I pray for Justin everyday. It is hard to pray passionately and consistently when you don’t think it is being answered at all. It has not been answered in 20 years, so some days you just feel like it is a “routine prayer.” People will tell me, well Justin has to want it too- to be answered. But, I pray for that too and still…nothing. Unanswered prayers are the hardest.
My dear Leah,
As Justin’s sister, you have a very unique and undeniably special bond with him. That will explain many of your feelings, feelings that I know you wouldn’t trade for anything. What I want you to know is that you have the exact same questions many, if not most of us have had. The most difficult thing to accept is that the answers to those questions may not ever seem logical or satisfying enough to us with our human and earthly perspective. I have found a few things that have been of comfort to me and hopefully can be for you (and others) as well:
First, God’s timetable is not the same as ours. He knows better than we do when is the best time for our prayers to be answered. God is eternal and therefore does not measure time as we do. To pray for something and also ask for God’s will to be done in that request is where our declaration of faith comes in. I believe God has heard our prayers about Justin. Despite all the free will associated decisions he has made, he is still alive with the possibility of “coming home”. It can be very hard to have faith and sincerely trust God whether we feel His answer to us is “wait”, “no” or “yes”. Perhaps the answer is “I have something better” but in His timing.
I saw a quote that really made me think, it said, “Many of the greatest gifts and deepest joys that God gives us come wrapped in painful packages”. The person who told you Justin’s free will is also at play here was wise. God can work through your prayers to soften a heart or to bring about circumstances to draw those for whom we are praying closer to Him. However.. God has given man a free will. I sense that with Justin, he is the one not responding to God’s call. You know Justin knows God, deeply and intimately and likely has turned to Him on many occasions. We need to do our very best to continue praying with your deeply caring heart knowing that the Lord is even more concerned for Justin that we are and that it is His will to help him.
I thank you for being open enough to share your real thoughts and feelings here. Please know that someone else will be touched by your openness and love.
-Mom (Dede)